I digress #7 - Cops and white lies!

I've always been so afraid of Cops. I don't really know why. They are supposed to be the "Good Guys", but they run around acting like they're THE LAW!! They ARE the Law, but they don't have to act so tough and better than!! They've always intimidated me. I know there are many nice cops out there too, however. I've gotten pulled over 5 times in my life.. Once when I was 16, I had just got my license and I pulled out in front of a cop, when I saw that it WAS a cop I slowed down even though I hadn't even hit the speed limit yet! There go the flashing lights and the sinking feeling that comes with it! He asked me if I knew why he'd pulled me over.. I said "Well my speedometer is broken, was I speeding?" Uhm. Lesson one. Act dumb and say "No officer, did I do something wrong?" and then batt your eyes and smile. :) Lesson two.. Never tell a cop that your speedometer is broken! He pulled me over to say that if he had've been a drunk person or a distracted person, then he would've plowed right in to me. I think he was quite OVER-EXAGGERATING, I mean.. come on.. PLOWED?? Oh well, he gave me a warning... so I'll let him over-exaggerate all he wants! :) He made me promise to get my speedometer fixed that same week.. but I don't recall that ever happening. :)

It's not so bad any more, but there was a time in my life when I was so paranoid about Cops that if one ever pulled behind me I'd freak out, check my speed a dozen times in a 5 second time-frame and then take my first right just to get out of their radar regardless of if it made me late to where I was going! Even if I wasn't doing anything wrong! It was ridiculous! However, most of the time, I DO have to worry when I see Cops, because I have a NEED FOR SPEED! :) It's true. I have a led foot. I'm not proud of it, but it leads me to this blog entry which I believe you'll enjoy. :)

So, way back in 1996 or 97, I was friends with this awesome girl named Amie. Yep, I'm still good friends with her. :) She had her own car. A 1985 Mazda 323 Hatchback. I was stuck sharing ole bessie with the family so to ME, it was cool that she owned her own car. She said that she was going out of town for a week and that I could borrow her car ON ONE CONDITION!!!! That I didn't speed in it!! Wow.. a car all to myself for an entire week?? To come and go as I pleased without consulting the family for car needs? What a fantastic DEAL!! Oh wait... did she say no speeding??? Whoa... was it possible? I told her YES, it was a DEAL!! And right then and there I made a promise to myself that I would never speed in her car. She left out of town and I had her car! How exciting! I was doing soooo good! I was impressing even myself that I drove only the speed limit!! Not even the 5 above which we're allowed to go! Even though it drove me insane.. I had made that promise and I was keeping it! Amazing! :)

I made it through every single day FLAWLESSLY!! I couldn't WAIT until Amie got back in town and I could report that I never sped once in her car. :) The night before she arrived back home, I was going on my last little jaunt in her car. I was late for a wedding reception for a good friend.. nevertheless I didn't speed to get there. I didn't know where the chapel was and it was 8:45pm so I could not afford to make any wrong turns! But of course I DID! I made a legal U-Turn and to make up for lost time.. I decided to speed back to the light because I just COULDN'T miss the reception!! As I waited at the red light to turn left, the DEVIL in a COP CAR pulled up behind me!!! I swear he had horns!! The sinking feeling overwhelmed me and I started squirming in my seat and was saying NO NO NO NO NO!!! I'VE BEEN SO PERFECT ALL WEEK!!!!! PLEASE NO!!!! PLEEEEEASE NO!!!!!

The light turns green, I turn left and he's right on my tail. I'm scared out of my wits at this time, so I decide I'm going to LOSE this fella, so I take my first left into a neighborhood!! SO DID HE!! He's STILL right behind me! I freak out, so I take my first RIGHT going even DEEPER into a neighborhood!! All the while I'm still saying NO NO NO!!! It's NOT RIGHT! I've done everything PERFECT!!! PLEASE NO NO NO!!!! After I turn right.. he follows me!! Since my little diversion didn't work, I came up with PLAN B!! (Please note... I do not recommend Plan B to ANYONE!!)

I pull over to a house and park. He pulls over across from me. I PRETEND I DON'T NOTICE HIM.... and I get out of the car and ignore his very existence. I walk up to this house and as I'm walking up, I notice that I just HAPPENED to pick the ONLY DARK HOUSE ON THE STREET!! But I can't turn back now.. the cop is watching me. (I wonder what he was thinking..) I continue down the seemingly endless walkway up to the dark house and I knock on the door. (so dumb.. where did my brain come up with that kind of PLAN B anyways!!!) I don't think well under pressure. :) Lesson three - NEVER EVER PRETEND that you "don't see" a Cop after he's followed you onto 4 streets!!!!

I could feel the cops penetrating gaze from behind me as I waited at the door of some unsuspecting homeowner. After I knocked, a little dog started yapping and soon all of the lights came on. If I wasn't panicking before.. I was NOW!! An older woman came to the door and as soon as she opened it, the cop pulled away. **WHEWH** My Plan B WORKED!!! YES!!! Oh CRUD.. there's a lady staring at me with wondering eyes. What the honk am I gonna tell her??? She said, "Yes? Can I help you?" She smelled of cigarettes and I had a hard time breathing at first. I am embarrassed to admit, but I told her a white lie. I figured I HAD to because I couldn't tell her that I had just eluded a COP.. she'd probably get the wrong idea and think I was a fugitive or something!!!

I simply smiled and said casually, "Hi. I'm here to pick up Amie." She said, "Oh I'm sorry dear, there's no Amie that lives here." Just to ham it up, I looked confused and said.. "Hmm, I must have the wrong address. I'm sorry to bother you, have a good night." YES!!! HOME FREE!!! I have 5 minutes to make it to the reception even though I never found the chapel yet!! However, Plan B backfired and my simple white lie turned into the white lie saga!!! She said, "Well, what is her last name? They might be my neighbors and I could point the house out to you." I think the color may have drained out of my face. I made up some random last name and of COURSE she didn't know them. She eagerly wanted to help me find Amie, bless her soul!! I just wanted to call it a night and LEAVE!! I felt captive to her and with every question she asked me, another LIE rolled off my lips... I felt awful, horrible and extremely guilty for lying to this sweet old lady. She asked me if I had the address, and I told her I had left them at home accidentally and was going from memory which is probably the reason I had knocked on the wrong door!! And then.. I changed my entire story!! Lesson Four - When lying to someone's face, never EVER change your story!!

I was getting antsy with this awkward situation and I needed to LEAVE! So I said, "Actually, I'm looking for a church." She said, "Oh." Looking very puzzled because I had just switched up everything. I'm a horrible liar. She continued, "The Mormon church?" Guilt and Shame must have been written all over me.. I nodded my head and she slowly raised her arm up and pointed directly behind me saying, "Do you mean.... That Mormon Church?" Just then, my life turned into a slow-motion movie as I turned around to see the steeple standing tall and proud lit up like a beacon in the night just on the other side of her neighbors house!! (duh, how could I have missed that!!!) I felt like the dust of the earth... I wanted to explain the whole story of what had just happened just so she'd know WHY I came to her house and lied to her like that!! I didn't though. It was 9:00. I got in the car and drove around the corner to the reception just in time to see my friend hop in her car and drive away with her new husband. She saw me and gave me a big smile and a wave as she drove past me. I was glad she at least knew I was there. But it didn't matter that much to me anymore.. I felt like I had a lot of repenting to do when I got home!

I'll never forget the infamous night of eluding the law and interrupting a nice old woman's evening with my lies!! For the next MONTH I drove past her house from time to time trying to get up the courage to bring her some homemade cookies and tell her my story and apologize to her. But I didn't. I learned many lessons that night!! The HARD WAY! LOL!! NOW I can look back and laugh when I tell the story!! I told it recently to a friend who said it coulda been worse if there HAD'VE been an Amie living there since it's such common name..!! OY!!

Moral of the story. Never elude the law and then pretend not to see them.. And never walk up to a dark house and start a conversation of LIES with an old lady!!!!!!!! Or better yet.. NEVER SPEED which is how this whole thing started in the first place! Even though I only sped for 3 seconds. *sigh*

Thanks Amie for letting me borrow your car for a week in 1997. :) It made for a fun blog today! :) I don't know why I freaked out... the cop didn't know I was in the car, he thought it was YOU! :) hahahaha! Love ya! :)