I Digress #12 – SILHOUETTE!

In order to set this story up properly, I gotta start at the very beginning!! As you all know, I HATE SPIDERS!! Do you remember that movie, “Arachnophobia”. A member of the Bishopric, back when I was around 14, saw that movie when it came out and was telling me about it one day at church. (Shout out to Bob!!) As I listened, I couldn’t help but WIG OUT and scratch all over. Obviously he got some enjoyment out of seeing the effect this had on me because every time he saw me after that, he would talk about the big, deadly spiders in the movie!! He enjoyed my reactions SO MUCH that he invited me to go see Arachnophobia with him and his wife! After WEEKS of coaxing from him, we all went. I made sure NOT to sit next to him. I did NOT like the movie!! During one of the most suspenseful parts as I sat covering most of my face, Bob reached behind his wife’s shoulders with his straw and slowly wiggled my hair. Well, he definitely got what he wanted, I screamed LOUD and PROUD which induced random screams in other nervous girls in the crowd. I truly think that was the highlight of Bob's entire life!!

OKAY… now onto the REAL story!

I believe it was the very next weekend that my sister, Trina, and I went to a Young Women’s camp out with the Ward. I was NOT excited about camping with the SPIDERS after seeing that movie! Plus we were supposed to sleep out under the stars in our sleeping bags… well, not THIS girl. My sister and I brought a pup tent to sleep in. We got made fun of by some of the girls, but I didn't care! The Bishopric came up to supervise the camp out. As soon as Bob saw me up there, a huge Cheshire Cat Smile spread across his face. He knew how fresh that movie was in my mind!! Later that night, we sat around the camp fire and Bob was telling everyone about “Arachnophobia” and how the spiders just seemed to multiply and take over!! Everyone was on edge and I watched how all the girls, including myself were scratching everywhere!! I KNOW Bob was getting the biggest kick out of it all! He told us to always watch where we stepped because there were lots of Tarantulas running around. We thought he was kidding. But we were about to find out the TRUTH for ourselves!!!

Before bed, a few of us girls needed to use the bathroom which was about a quarter of a mile up the dirt road. We all had flashlights but hardly needed them because of the full moon above. My path was dimly lit………..just enough light to see the TARANTULA that ran across my dirt path!! I SCREAMMMMMMED and dropped my flashlight and darted into the dimness! I didn’t even watch where I was going, I was too afraid to care! I just ran frantically and screamed the rest of the way to our camp jumping over 1 more tarantula on my way! Few times have I ever been able to match the speed I reached that night! Well Bob REALLY had a good laugh at my story when I told him what happened.

I climbed into my pup tent with Trina and tried to calm down. Bob came over to my tent and handed me my flashlight that I dropped. He grinned and said, “Are you sure you don’t want to camp out under the stars with the rest of the girls?” Of course I QUICKLY declined! :) I was DONE with the spider drama for the night!! I was safe here in my PUP TENT!! :)

After we got settled into our sleeping bags, Trina and I started reading our Scriptures. Having the flashlights on in our small tent provided 2 black silhouettes for all outsiders to see. While reading our scriptures, we were grossed out by the flying bugs that were attracted to the light of our flashlights. I gave up on reading when they kept dive-bombing my forehead, so I turned on my side to say my prayers. During my prayer, an insect flew into my ear and started BUZZING! I sat up with a START!! I shook my head frantically!! (hmmm..... wonder how THAT looked in silhouette-form) Trina looked over and stared at me wondering what the heck I was doing. I hit the side of my head with my palm, like there was water in there that I was trying to shake loose. The buzzing was SO LOUD that I was CONVINCED it was a BEE in my ear!!!! I FA-REEKED O-U-T-!-!

Trina had her flashlight on still, so everyone on the OUTSIDE of the tent was able to watch my amazing silhouette performance!! I was too concerned about what was going on to even THINK about my audience! I had visions of this bee climbing further and further into my ear canal. I stood up and started slapping my head and shaking and screaming, “THERE’S A BEE IN MY EAR, A BEEEE…. IN MY EAAAAR!!!!” I was literally going INSANE, No LIE!!! Trina didn’t know how to help console me as I choreographed this new WILD dance there in my tent! I started JUMPING UP AND DOWN in the tent!! Being confined to that small space seemed to have an effect the amount of air I was catching as I jumped. The entire tent on my side literally lifted up off the ground as I jumped!! I would LOVE to have been a spectator!! In more ways than one! :)

The Bishop came over and called through the tent, “Girls, quiet down in there! You’ll wake the other camps!” Well, quite frankly, I didn’t CARE about the “other camps” at that moment; I just wanted that BEE OUT OF MY EAR!!!

Trina was able to unzip the tent, despite all my jumping, shaking, slapping and screaming!! There were giggles all through our camp… I know I woulda joined in if it wasn’t ME experiencing this TRAUMA!! I got out of the tent and continued to shake my head out of control. One of the Young Women leaders came over and she shined a flashlight in my ear, she couldn’t see anything!! The buzzing was so loud and I wondered if it would ever end!! I was panicking mostly, because I thought the Bee would STING me deep inside the ear canal!! She stuck a twig in my ear and didn’t pull anything out.. the buzzing seemed louder and I was hesitant about letting her jam the bee in any further!! She convinced me to let her try one more time. In went the twig, and out came the loud, buzzing ……………………………………......... gnat????? What the… It was a gnat??? Like the size of a speck of PEPPER!? How did that little sucker create SO MUCH INSANITY IN ME!!!!??

But oh the relief that washed over me!! Oh the jubilation I felt to be free of the buzzing!! Oh the headache I had and ohhhhhhh the humiliation I experienced over the show I just put on!! The girls laughed the rest of the night and every Sunday after that when they’d see me at church! It was pretty funny to me as well (after the fact), so naturally, I let them tease me and I laughed right along with them. Bob will never let me live that night down!! :)

The next morning when Trina and I were cleaning out our tent, we found a huge spider that had slept with us! I don't know if it was deadly or not, but it sure looked like one of the spiders from Archnophobia!! I could not WAIT to get home away from the WILD KINGDOM!!!!!

There you have it… my Ga-nat story! :)

:)