I Digress #13 - I don’t know why she swallowed that fly, perhaps she’ll die.

I joined the choir in 7th grade and I loved my Choir Teacher, Ms. Goodman. She was well known for her kindness and patience. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to enjoy her for very long. We got a new Choir teacher in 8th grade and she was so strict and so mean that it didn’t take much to get in trouble in her class. Even the nice kids got in trouble! “No Talking!! Sit up straight!! Listen to me when I talk!! Use your diaphragm!!” Dia..what!?

Each time before a concert, we would practice standing still. She would drill us about keeping our eyes only on HER during the entire concert; we were banned from looking for family members or friends out in the audience. We weren’t allowed to scratch an itch or rub our nose or do ANYTHING that would have us break-form! We had to be SOLDIERS and keep our hands to our sides at all times. She made it crystal clear that we would be very sorry if we gave it in temptation and scratched an itch in the middle of a performance. I don’t know about YOU.. but if you tell me I can’t scratch an itch, all the sudden my entire body is full of uncontrollable itches!! I was afraid of her. Well, not afraid…. just a little terrified. I was so shy back then and intimidated easily. I didn’t know I had signed up for boot camp when I joined the choir.

I can clearly recall one particular choir concert. All the girls had on red dresses with a black uni-belt. (hehe uni-belt) Before the concert we all sat quietly in the choir room as our drill sergeant, er choir teacher went over the RULES again. She reminded us to focus on her, refrain from scratching, talking, wiggling, moving, shifting, etc. The auditorium filled up quickly and it was time to line up to go on stage and share with our loved ones all the amazing songs we’d been practicing for MONTHS!

We filed on to the risers forming 3 rows. I was on the top row for all to see. Naturally I was curious where my family had sat so as I watched my teacher, I would sneak quick glances out into the audience when she looked the other way. Apparently, other fellow choir members were just as curious about their family, but obviously, no one taught them to ONLY scan when she wasn’t looking, because she all the sudden started shooting darts out of her eyes at those of who she caught!!

So, the piano starts playing and Mrs. Meanie-head raises her arms, pausing for the right beat to bring the choir in together. Wow. We did really well on all coming in together at the right time! Her face showed signs of relief, as previously we had struggled with the timing. We finished the song and the audience clapped. It was a good feeling to know that my friends and family were cheering for me. The 2nd song went well too. More clapping followed.

The 3rd and FINAL song we performed didn’t go quite as well as the last 2 had… and it was all MY fault!! Yup… Shy, quiet little Stacy causing quite a stir.

As we sang the 3rd song, this pesky fly was buzzing around the girls head in front of me. She was trying so hard not to break form to bat it away. Naturally, I was finding the situation very humorous, and at one point I had to stop singing because my voice was shaking as I worked on controlling the urge to laugh!! I mouthed the words until I regained my composure. I watched my Music Teacher as my peripheral vision displayed this funny scene in front of me. That poor girl. I was getting so much enjoyment out of her discomfort… until… that pesky fly decided to make a bee-line up to MY row and started darting around ME! Now all the sudden it wasn’t so funny!! It flew in front of my face hitting my cheek and making me jerk a bit and then flew around the side of my head by my ear, then landed briefly on my hair before darting off again. My friends next to me slightly bumped my arm with theirs as to poke fun.
Life became extremely difficult in that moment of distraction. I suddenly had a dozen things to focus on. Keeping my composure, keeping my eyes from darting around, watch my teacher, remember the words and parts I was singing, try to ignore this fly in my face, and keep my hands to my sides. It was too much for my brain to take!!!! But it all ended abruptly when towards the completion of the song. The choir all inhaled deeply to give a powerful finish, but as I inhaled, I sucked in that FLY and it went HALF WAY DOWN MY THROAT!! My friends saw it happen and gasped in horror! They both looked at me ignoring the big finish of the last song!! My eyes almost popped out of my head with the realization of what had just happened. Immediately, I started coughing and making faces of disgust and horror. I had visions this fly inside of me and started gagging. By now more choir members were looking at me in wonder. I wasn’t coughing the fly up, so I knew it had gone down to its new resting place within. I felt sick to my stomach. All the sudden, I realized where I was and what I was supposed to be doing… I snapped my head up to look at my teacher and she was sending death to me through her icy cold glares. She shook her head briefly at me with one raised eyebrow as if to say, we’ll be talking about THIS later!!

The song was over, the clapping had ended and it was time to leave the stage to face uncertainty. My friends who had witnessed this awful experience were just as grossed out as I was, but by the time we reach the choir room, they were laughing hysterically. I was still in shock. I went to apologize to my Choir Teacher and she was NOT happy, but as I explained what happened she seemed to understand. She let me off the hook, probably because I was normally a good student and this was beyond my control.

The very next class as she recapped our performances she mentioned we “all did an outstanding job until Stacy swallowed that FLY during our big finish!” She said it with a smile so I know she was kidding, but I was humiliated. I am still disturbed that I inhaled a fly. That’s disgusting!!!

Okay, so I have to let you know that I really exaggerated the strictness of my Choir Teacher. She WAS very stern, but wasn’t as mean and scary as I made her out to be. She demanded perfection in her choirs and had to be tough to achieve it. I really WAS a little scared of her though.. hahaha! However, I kept with the singing and now it’s one of my favorite things to do. Anyone for Karaoke??